I'm so sad...

Emalynn started her first day at daycare today. The thing is, it's just hard for me. She's been going to this lady I met through my neighbor for the past year and 1 month. She loved it there...she had a rough time when I first went back to work, but maybe it was because she was 7 months old at the time. She came through after about 2 or 3 months, and was angel ever since. And then of course, Mommy and Daddy had to go and change her routine! Mean mommy and daddy!

We (being Jonathon and I) took her to daycare on Monday and when we got there, the kids in her class were headed to the cafeteria. She didn't really have a chance to adjust to the kids before being thrown into the "cafeteria" for breakfast. Now, Emalynn never really eats breakfast that early, so there's one adjustment she's going to have to make. So, Jonathon asks her if she wants to sit down with all of the other kids at the table, and she didn't hesitate. Then a little boy saw she had her paci (pacifier) in her mouth, and tried to grab it. I was like, oh no, please don't do that, because I didn't want her to get frantic and then try to cling on to Jonathon or me, because then we wouldn't be able to leave her without her crying. So I suggested to Jonathon that he go ahead and walk out, and I would follow. I gave Emalynn a non-chalant kiss and then told her teacher I was leaving. She had no idea that Jonathon and I just left her there...all alone...with 8 other kids she didn't know.

So, by the time I get to the car, I'm bawling. I cried for a good 15 or 20 minutes...I felt like such a bad mother...I didn't get to say bye to her, or that I love her, with her responding "wuv you" or "bye". It broke my heart. I called Jonathon on his phone, and he wasn't doing so well either.

I guess we both love her too much...hah...is there anything such as loving your child too much? I didn't know I could have so much love for another human being...I thought I would die if anything happened to Jonathon, the main man in my life...but after I gave birth to the best thing in my life, I couldn't even fathom all the love my heart could bare and give to that little thing God so graciously put in my life! Our beautiful daughter...oh, if I could love her anymore...